Perfectionism
“Perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst that says, again and again, ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.’” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
Are you dressing up your fear of trying, being seen, or stretching beyond the status quo in some form of fancy shoes? Is your life hiding behind an undercurrent of ‘I’m not good enough?’ Five years ago, I would have never admitted I was a perfectionist. I mean, I didn’t look like it on the outside, but this year I realized that for years I was holding myself back from living a life I loved out of fear of failing.
My studies in ayurveda and training to become a Yoga Health Coach really shifted that limiting perspective I had of myself. I now live in the world of potential and am grounded in the relative world of daily living. I used to be uncomfortable with discomfort. I’m way more comfortable now in the areas of my life that create discomfort, and I actually say “BRING it ON” now more than ever. For example, writing and sharing this blog, measuring my goals in a weekly scorecard, stepping into a leadership role, sharing information via video and vlogs. The truth is that knowing I might impact one person’s life by putting myself out there motivates me every time to press send, record, or publish.
Brené Brown says it so well when she describes perfectionism as worrying about what others think and healthy striving as being about asking the question, ‘how can i improve?’ I don’t know about you, but I’m magnetized towards people who are real; the ones who share their flaws and blemishes. I love it when a friend invites me over for tea, and there is a load of laundry on the couch and dishes on the counter. I love going to ladies’ night when we are all in our sweatpants. WHY? It’s real. There is no acting, no need to impress, just simple connection.
When we show up and are real and authentic with ourselves and each other, parts of mind and body get to relax. It’s like a melting of expectations and allowing for a more fluid experience of connection to carry us forward. I think this is true in relationship and in business. What if we don’t have to know everything? What if there isn’t one way to say or do something? In my experience, not knowing actually allows for us all to learn together. Feels like freedom to me.
My experience over the past year has been that perfectionism breeds paralysis. It was keeping me from pursuing dreams. When it happens to me now, I make a strong effort to do it anyway! Sometimes, I have to close my eyes and leap, commit, press record, start writing, make the call, stuff like that. When we think we aren’t good at something, it puts us into a state of vulnerability. Vulnerability is extremely uncomfortable. Most of us avoid discomfort at all costs.
Here are a few of the ways I’ve noticed perfectionism show up. Read through this list, and see if you relate to any of them:
- You procrastinate things that are important to you because it’s not the “right” time.
- You stopped setting specific and measurable goals around your health and your life because in the past you haven’t reached them.
- You keep putting off projects (for example: a writing project, a creative project, a garden, etc.) because you are afraid you will be judged or criticized by others.
- You think things need to be done one way or no way at all.
- You avoid ever getting feedback from anyone because it makes you feel like a failure versus considering you have areas that need improvement.
- You avoid putting yourself in the seat of the “beginner” to learn something new.
These are just a few themes that have surfaced over the past year for me personally and in my coaching of how we tend to avoid connection, following our hearts, or doing something new and different because we have an image of how we want to be perceived by others or ourselves. Our body, mind and spirit thank us when we apply the effort to do these things, regardless of all the reasons we might create for avoiding them. If we step into our authenticity around who we are and the lives we live, we realize there is no one to impress.
The research is showing that perfectionism leads to anxiety, depression, under-functioning, and missed opportunities. Is your perfectionistic approach to life keeping you from living the life you love? Is it keeping you from going from healthy-ish to healthy? From fit-ish to fit? From feeling OK to feeling GREAT about your life?
Think of one area where you have dressed up your perfectionism in fancy shoes and limited yourself. Let 2017 be the year you shake it off and live a more authentic life. Register for a 2017 ALIGN Life with Ease course and EMBODY Ease, because there is no one way to live the life you love, but it’s worth it to really live.
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Rachel Peters is a yoga teacher, yoga health coach, lifestyle and habits expert, easeful living advocate, and lover of wild places. She leads others towards Embodying Ease through a yearlong wellness & lifestyle journey to dissolve perfectionism, embody daily habits that promote mental clarity, overall ease, and deeper connection to life on this wild ride of modern living. Learn MORE today!