Cultivating confidence in our life circumstances.
In Living in Your Decisions: Part 1 I describe this idea around living in a decision for a certain amount of time to feel the feels of making a decision. When we make a decision and live in the wake that follows we can experience great insight. When we call it an experiment it also gives us room to move and change and adjust.
It’s not set in stone.
It’s a lot about feeling what kind of movement takes place as a result of making a decision. Drawing the line in the sand and stepping over it. Feeling into the trajectory of my life from actually making a decision instead of just being “open”. I’ve been “open” to having another baby for the past year, but when I start to really look around, I’ve been saying that, but not really living it.
We’ve been in a place of limbo.
It’s time to make a decision. It’s scary for me to do. And while I’ve had my moments of guilt and shame in this whole parenting journey, I’m starting to think there’s a kink in our culture around this as an expected outcome of parenting. Are guilt and shame pre-requisites on the path of life? On the path of parenting? I don’t really buy it.
What then, is the difference between guilt and shame?
Here’s the thing, guilt is a useful emotion that allows us to take action when our behavior doesn’t align with our values. Guilt is the quiet voice asking, “Is this really who you want to be?” Guilt doesn’t punish, it empowers. When we say or do something that does not reflect our values, guilt nudges us to take action and repair the situation.
Taking action is refreshing and allows us to move on, more intact emotionally and spiritually.
Shame is quite different. Shame makes us forget our value. It prevents us from moving forward. Instead, shame stays buried, like undetected cancer, affecting our daily lives and relationships in profound ways. If you spend time ruminating about something you did or did not do and never feel any better; if you repeatedly tell person after person the same story hoping they will side with you; if you struggle to tell the whole truth to people, even those you love, chances are you’re experiencing shame.
How do we move beyond? I’m finding the clearer I am about my values and my husband is about his and we are about our family values, we have all the support necessary to make decisions that we can embrace with confidence, abundance and grounded connection.
Get clear about values.
- Make a list of what matters most to you (i.e. connection, travel, a clean house, time in nature)
- Align your actions with your values as best you can.
- Carve out 2 weeks to experiment with living in your decision.
- Journal and reflect about what comes up? Physically? Emotionally?
- What are some of the limiting beliefs holding you back from making the decision?
- Talk about it with those the decision impacts the most.
Being and living in alignment with our values builds confidence. When we can articulate what matters most in our lives and share those pieces with the people who will be impacted by our decision making and then ask them to do the same, magic happens. It doesn’t always feel like rainbows and unicorns kinds of magic, but a settling in that you’re not alone in the process.
There’s no one way to do this life thing.
You are the artist, the creator, the conductor of your own life. Take the time to be conscious about it.
Share what you are working on the comments. I’d love to hear.
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Rachel Peters is a yoga teacher, yoga health coach, lifestyle and habits expert, easeful living advocate, and lover of wild places. She leads others towards Embodying Ease through a yearlong wellness & lifestyle journey to dissolve perfectionism, embody daily habits that promote mental clarity, overall ease, and deeper connection to life on this wild ride of modern living. Learn MORE today!