Investing in YOU
Today is Miles’ 2nd Birthday.
In February 2011 I made my first MONSTER monetary purchase that would inevitably change my life. It was the most uncomfortable purchase I had ever made. More uncomfortable than purchasing a car, a new home or fancy piece of jewelry. It was an investment in ME, which made it even more edgy and questionable. Was I worth it? Questioning my own worth, investment and my own life economy were hidden amidst my resistance around a dollar amount. My mind kept telling me I couldn’t afford it and the rest of mySelf kept telling me I couldn’t NOT afford it. I would find a way to make it work.
I didn’t know at the time that I would look back on this edgy purchase and pinpoint that moment as the one that would set in motion the life I am now living. This life I am beyond grateful for.
I suppose that’s the purpose and power of reflection and hindsight. When we pull ourselves out of the day to day details of things and start following the breadcrumbs of our path, our journey we start to see themes, pivotal crossroads and from time to time land on an “A-HA” moment where we see crystal clear in our 20/20 hindsight the new trajectory that was set in motion in that one moment.
Up until this point I had spent 10 years and thousands of dollars and thousands of hours studying yoga asana, therapy, anatomy and alignment. I traveled all over the west and southwest staying in hotels, Airbnb’s, crashing on friend’s floors to further my yoga training. I loved the yoga practice. I loved that the more I moved my body with my breath in optimal shapes and forms I could feel an anchoring of consciousness in the fabric of my being. I began to yearn for more depth. My practice and my body shifted dramatically over those years.
I was sitting in silence 4-5 times a week usually for 15 minutes (depending on the day). I had a meditation cushion and a sweet spot to sit and I would follow my breath. I never did it at the same time of day, for the same amount of time, with any particular consistency. I just did it when I felt like it or remembered. When 15 minutes was up I would hop up and go on with my day.
I started to feel like there was something missing in my life. I’d been going to therapy on my own and my husband and I were even going together. This was not a practice either one of us had grown up around, but we felt it was important for the health and longevity of our marriage and ourselves and we needed support and perspective.
I’ve never been afraid to invest in me since. I was cracked open to see and feel into a new kind of life currency or energy economy. My investment in 2011 was in the practice and philosophy of meditation. I started meditating twice a day every day at the same time and so did my husband. I created a pathway deep inside myself and built a long lasting friendship and relationship with all the layers of myself. I untangled what was “my stuff” from what was “ours” in marriage that created a space and capacity for love I had yearned for, but never quite knew how to access. Some days I cried on the cushion and wanted to run away, other days I basked in the bliss, and each day I sat. I’m pretty confident that the time I spent carving through the layers of distraction and shiny objects on the surface of things carved out the clarity to open my life to being a mother.
Fast forward 5+ years. I’m still married. I study ayurveda. I have a 2 year old son. I’ve simplified my life to having less and needing less “stuff”. Stuff doesn’t make me happy. I became a Yoga Health Coach. I quit my job of 18 years. I gave myself a promotion. And all along, I’ve meditated. I’ve sat with myself; all parts of myself. And for this I am forever grateful.
My advice:
- Identify your deepest desires and get clear on who you want to become,
- Carve out time for yourself every day to sit quietly with yourself,
- Don’t be afraid to invest in YOU (your BEing and BEcoming Self)
I’m pretty confident that the time I’ve spent carving through the layers of distraction, sludge, and shiny objects on the surface of things helped open a new pathway of thinking, being and believing. I tell my students, that if it weren’t for meditation I don’t know if I’d still be married or be the mother to Miles. Meanwhile, these are the two things I cherish most in my life. I’m not saying my life is perfect. It’s perfectly, imperfect. I tell you what, I would return to that moment in February 2011 and I would pay 10x that amount if I knew then, what I know now.
And maybe, just maybe we are worth the investments that feel the most edgy. I don’t know about you, but when I live on the edge I know I’m evolving and transforming and that’s where I want to live…in the current of things.
Happy 2nd Birthday
Miles Tanner!
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Rachel Peters is a yoga teacher, yoga health coach, lifestyle and habits expert, easeful living advocate, and lover of wild places. She leads others towards Embodying Ease through a yearlong wellness & lifestyle journey to dissolve perfectionism, embody daily habits that promote mental clarity, overall ease, and deeper connection to life on this wild ride of modern living. Learn MORE today!